There is always an upper hand. We like to believe in true
love there is no power play but silently, without the slightest mention of it,
day after day, it goes on.
It happens to the best of us, the strongest of us, the most
feminist of us. We dismiss it. Often, we approve of it and don’t get me wrong,
we are not lying when we do it. It’s far more dangerous than that.
We convince ourselves that “it’s okay”. If he doesn’t share
the chores, he’s tired – it’s okay. If he cannot be an equal parent, nature
didn’t intend it that way – it’s okay. If he cannot find a better job, the competition
is too stiff – it’s okay. If he doesn’t notice or laughs at my creative
efforts, they must be silly - it’s okay.
If he cannot pick up his dirty socks, old habits die hard – it’s okay.
If I’m not enough in bed, everyone needs excitement, besides
he still loves me – it’s okay.
If he does not make me feel loved or wanted any more, the
drudgery of the day has taken over – it’s okay.
It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.
Until it no longer is.
And at that point a separation or the pen is not mighty
enough. Meeting someone else is frustrating. Hanging with the girls, doesn’t
really take your mind off. Shallow conquests like shopping, Netflix and binge-eating
are not going to fill the void. Because, guess what…? It’s NOT OKAY.
You are not okay. Accept it. You may or may not want to change
anything about your situation but accept it that it’s not okay. Tell yourself
it is not. Remind yourself how he continuously fails at being a partner, being
a dad, being a man, at making you feel special and if you still find yourself hopelessly
in love with him and not wanting to leave, “it’s okay”.
