And then I heard a voice call out from behind… “Payel….trick or treat?” and pulled out a huge basket of glittering candy wrapped in colorful shiny paper and like a little kid, I picked through them, the shiny wrappers reflecting in my tears. Loretta was my leasing office lady and unlike most other relationships in life where I can say it’s been a love-hate, the one with hers has only been a hate-hate! I probably hated her. But she certainly hated me and probably every other tenant she has ever had. She hated everyone in her office. May be she hated her neighbors, may be her own family. Who knows? All, I know is she was the rudest and meanest person I had encountered in my New Jersey life. She was always angry for some reason. In my 6 years of interaction with her, I had never once seen her smile. Not at me, not at anybody. Neighbors and I often discussed her latest mean act. You call her with a maintenance request and the most arrogant voice would receive your call and try to be as not helpful as possible. She cribbed about having roommates who were not promptly added to the lease, refused maintenance to a roommate when she called and told her I had to call because only I was on the lease. She has penalized me with a hefty fine for being a day late once with my rent, yelled at me innumerable times for not being loud enough on the phone and the list goes on. In one word, to me she was a horror story. But I carried on and lived in this apartment for six good years because I liked my place and my interaction with Loretta could be limited to as little as I wanted it to be.
Now, you see, I am a person with serious “attachment issues”. I once mourned the loss of a swimming pool and cried myself sore, so you can imagine! My heart was breaking into a million pieces as I went about performing the last rites at my now ex-apartment. This place that I called home for six long years. It was my first dwelling in my favorite state of New Jersey. I have made more memories in this house than I have probably in my lifetime. This house has seen me through numerous achievements, longings, friendships, heartbreaks, crises. Thes walls have heard me wail at the loss of dear ones and the floors withstood the jumps of a happy excited rabbit on occasions. It has watched me learn and grow and make some very difficult choices in life. I lived here like I would live forever. And now I was leaving. Sigh! But a part of me was glad. The lady at my new management office was a sweetheart. We would talk about shopping for hours every time we met. From day one she made me feel at home here in my new apartment and went the extra mile to make sure my move was smooth. I already loved her. So happy I was, because no more of the sour-puss.
So, the last day of October, I locked all doors and windows, grabbed the keys of the front door, back door and the mailbox and the piece of paper I had my new mailing address written down on to hand it over to her and marched towards the leasing office. One last time. The beautiful crimson leaves of the Fall staring at me, the typical autumn wind blowing in my face, and my heart joyous to see the end credits of this story. Surprisingly, despite my obsessive attachment disorder, unperturbed by the final act. I strode right in through the double doors and found myself standing at Loretta’s window.
With a sense of victory and relief in my voice, I said --
“Hello! So, I am all moved out. Here are the keys!”
Loretta - “Thanks”(curtly). “Forwarding address?” (without bothering to look at me)
I fish into my pockets only to realize I may have dropped the paper. How terrible! This means more face-time with the “horror lady”. Never mind.
I said - “Please write it down. 28 Wedge… “
Loretta - Thanks. (mumbles something - may be bye?)
I, without really intending to speak any more, almost involuntarily said something.
“Thank you for everything while I was here. It has been a wonderful stay. I have been here 6 years and I am a very emotional person. So, I am just going to shutup now before I embarrass myself any more.” And then the strangest of things happened. She looked up from what she was doing and in those eyes, I saw an emotion that I have never seen before. It’s hard to explain what I saw. Was it a mix of sadness, shame or guilt, a feeling of being overwhelmed or a long standing stoicism being stirred. I don’t know what I saw in those eyes that evening. But I felt the vibrations in the room and they were strong and something I will remember for years to come.
I hurriedly said - “Goodbye” and as I was walking out of the door, I heard a faint voice call from behind ---
“Payel….trick or treat?”
I picked up a twix, walked to my car and tears gushed out on to my cheeks and wetting my shoulders. They wouldn't stop. I just sat there in my car and cried and cried.
My heart was empty. Goodbyes are never easy.
