Why I Can't Wish 'Mother's Day' To My Mom This Year

Firstly, thanks Womanatics for making a blog post out of this. I wouldn't have thought of converting my facebook status into a blog post. Here's the link -

http://www.womanatics.com/2014/05/true-story-why-i-cant-wish-mothers-day.html

Every Mother's Day I put up a status just like you all saying just how lucky and fortunate I am to have mom in my life, how she is the single best thing that ever happened to me and how I want to make her feel so very special today. Every year, just like a million other lucky sons and daughters, I wait eagerly for this second Sunday of May. This year, however, I have been dreading this day. A part of me is secretly wishing, mummy doesn't login to Facebook at all today. That somehow in her Sunday chores, the day just whizzes by and she fails to notice. Alas! That won't happen. Thanks to our invasive media, social and otherwise, the countless advertisements would take care that nobody, absolutely nobody gets past today without noticing it's Mother's Day. And yet again with some teeny weeny hope, I pray, she fails to notice. For this Mother's Day is my mother's first without her mom. And no matter how much love her kids, her husband, her dad and her brothers shower upon her, it will never add up to what she misses - today and everyday! 

A mom's love can never be replaced and the emptiness it leaves in your heart when she leaves is there to stay. I can hardly imagine what its like to wake up one day and know your mom is gone. Forever. I know it's the eternal truth but I don't want to imagine. And I hate to say it to you all, but this truth of life is universal. My truth here is no different from yours. And though Mother's Day definitely isn't the day to prepare yourself to brace this, but it certainly is the da to hug her just a little tighter, smile for her just a little brighter and say those three words rarely said to a mom anymore these days - 'I love you mom'. I love you very very much, mummy. 

And this is what I want to say to you -- all these years you have been a hell of a mom to me, but it's my turn now. I know I can never match up to Dida (grandma), but I try everyday. Everyday, I wake up and I try to be your mom. And though I will never quite get there, I hope it's making a difference. 

I am not scared anymore that you may wake up and notice it's Mother's Day. Infact, I hope now you wake up and login to Facebook first. I know tears will roll down your cheeks as you read this message, but I also know they will land on a beautiful smile - Happy Mother's Day!

Dil ki zubaan

befizool, bewajah,

behisaab, har jagah

humne poocha hai kai baar

kyun aati hai bin bulaye?

tune keh diya tha, ek baar

phir awaaz na dena

magar kambhakht teri yaad

ye peecha hi chodhe na

abhi bhi aati hai jo shaam

wo dhalti hai tere naam

abhi bhi raat ke sannato mein

tera ehsaas gunjta hai

hum dil se kehte hain

uska afsos kya karna?

wo jo kabhi tha hi na tera

us par har roz kyun marna?

dil badtameez hai mera

wapas jawaab deta hai

tu duniya ke kaydon mein jee

dil ki zubaan tere bas ki ab nahi

Mirror of your soul

You can always smile

and smile & smile away

and with that pretty smile

hide the pain deep deep inside

so baby you just smile
and let the smile override
override the hurt
the pain beneath just hide.
but when I look into your eyes
it's a mirror of your soul
and no matter how hard you try
they have a story to tell
and I see it thro your eyes
the mirror of your soul
baby, how you are bleeding
how it's hurting deep inside
..And then there comes a cloud
a cloud of gushing tears..
For a moment I think,
you are out of control..
the floodgates are now broken.
and the pain comes gushing out
But in reality, it's just another trick
to cloud my vision of
the mirror of your soul.

A big fat lie

...And sometimes your whole damn life 
just comes down to - a big fat lie
that you haven't even lived in a while
...And sometimes your life rolls out 
like a big joy ride
but you still haven't lived in a while

Sometimes the mask comes off
and what you see in the mirror,
Oh baby!!! You don't like
Sometimes the ice breaks down
but you still can't think
of a thing to try..

...And sometimes your whole damn life
just comes down to - a big fat lie
that you haven't even lived in a while
...And sometimes your life rolls out
like a big joy ride
but you still haven't lived in a while

Sometimes the people you loved,
practically all your life
you didn't find standing by
Sometimes the storm is so harsh,
brngs down the roof over your head
but baby, you just didn't cry...

...And sometimes your whole damn life
just comes down to - a big fat lie
that you haven't even lived in a while
...And sometimes your life rolls out
like a big joy ride
but you still haven't lived in a while

Sometimes the life you swore as a kid
you would just ne'er have
is the one you lived by
Sometimes the whole world cheers,
"Baby, you made it!!", But you didn't
and only you know why...

...And sometimes your whole damn life
just comes down to - a big fat lie
that you haven't even lived in a while
...And sometimes you life rolls out
like a big joy ride
but you still haven't lived in a while

Ehsaas

Off late, a video of a woman being unwillingly touched on a plane by a man has been making the rounds on social media. Though it's nothing new or unheard of, the video going viral, makes us think critically about the simple human touch. A few words I wrote this evening and would like to share... 

"Dekh ay Khuda teri duniya mein lams ka mazaak ban gaya
Jo qurbat ka vaahan tha, woh auzaar ban gaya
Bande ki neeyat ne yun rukh badla ki dafe amraz aaj talwaar ban gaya
Kehte hain kaid mein bhookh, pyaas se bhi zyaada banda ehsaas ko tarasta hai,
Phir kyun aaj yeh ehsaas hi napaak ban gaya."

Kokh

Jab main ek nanhi saans thi Maa
aur tere liye naya ehsaas thi Maa
har pal khushiyon se ghiri thi tab 
us waqt hee sabse khaas thi Maa

'mera bacchha' keh kar Bapu sehlate the
'Raja beta' keh kar pyaar se bulate the
teri hansi ki khilkhilahat
chupchaap reh kar sunti thi Maa

Jab pareshaan main karti thi
kabhi bhook se, kabhi yun hi bilakhti thi
teri aankhein chhalak jaati thi
par hoton pe phir bhi muskaan thi Maa

Teri hansi ki woh awaaz
aaj bhi kano mein goonjti hai
woh muskaan tere hoton par dekhne ko
meri har saans aaj bhi tarasti hai
Tu sochti hain main nahi hun ab
par har pal teri aankhon se
main aansoo ban kar behti hun Maa
main teri yaadon mein rehti hun Maa

Contradictions

The more I see, the less I know 
the less I know, the more I woe
without a thought, without a care
without the want to look up my nare
And then I seek less, but I find more
In a sparrow's tweet or a lion's roar
The lullaby of the crashing waves
or the deafening noise of the fallen pin
Which do you choose, which do you faze?
of defeating nights or glorious days
of grown men playing wayward roles
of soldiers piercing innocent souls
Which do you choose, which do you faze?
A life of contradictions, in this maze.